Inspirational quote on life

Create your opportunities.  Your life is your work of art! 

-- unknown

Quote: Gandhi on perseverance

First, they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win 

-- Gandhi 

How to gain control over your destiny?

I believe the true challenges in life do not come from outside but instead from within.  In other words, it's the internal conflict we have with ourselves that results in our failures.

For example, let's choose weight loss.  There is a major conflict between our desire to lose weight and eat yummy foods, i.e., wanting to look hot, live healthier, be a better "you" vs. wanting the comfort, instant gratification, and "happiness" that comes from giving into your cravings.

This internal conflict is like a paralysis, because it prevents you from fully exercising and expressing your will, and hence fulfilling your "destiny."  In this case, let's say my true "will" is to lose weight, but I have a terrible weakness for yummy foods, especially the sweet, creamy, gooey type.  Put a chocolate cake with ice-cream and caramel swirls in front of me and I'll sell out my mom!

But every time you "give in", a little part of you becomes more despaired because you've just willingly given up more control of your life (for cake!).  As a consequence, it's not possible that you would be happy, because you're preventing yourself from living a life that you want, instead your life is being controlled, even enslaved by something else. Ironically, this something else is actually of your own doing!

Taking 100% responsibility for your decisions

A common theme among motivational books is the idea of achieving success by taking 100% responsibility for your decisions.  Most of us like to blame external factors for our failures, such as "the dog ate my homework," but when you take 100% responsibility, everything becomes your "fault."  This means zero tolerance for excuses; no more, "I can't lose weight because there are no healthy choices near work," "I can't stand my job," "I can't stand my marriage," "I can't stand my life," or simply "I can't do it because it's too HARD!"

However "true" the excuse is, it is still an excuse because YOU ultimately agree, through the choices you make AND don't make, to the conditions presented to you.  This is at once terrifying as it is empowering, because now it would always be your "fault." But at the same time, you would be empowered to pave your own destiny.

An excuse is still an excuse even though "It's too hard!"

I struggle every day to fully express my will; I struggle with controlling my diet (arrrrr Haagen Dazs....); I struggle with my fears; I struggle with pushing against my comfort zone, as most of us do. And unfortunately, I'm often on the losing end of my struggles, i.e., I give into my cravings (damn those double-fudge cookies), I give into my fears of failure, fears of taking risks, fears of the unknown, even fear of the Ronald McDonald clown!

As a consequence, my failure to gain mastery over myself leads me to make dumb decisions, and hence prevents me from achieving my true goals in life.  But even so, I am not fooled into believing that it wasn't of my own doing.  I am the one who bought that tub of ice-cream, bag of Oreos, box of powered donuts, and the list goes on.

Taking 100% responsibility is not easy, if it were, the quest for happiness and success would not be so elusive.  Nonetheless, I firmly believe that mastery over self gains control over life.  Now isn't that something worthwhile to achieve?

Quote: Benny Hsu on lost opportunities

The ones who are stuck in life wait for the right time. They wait to be inspired.  They're worried what others will think.  They are waiting for someone to tell them what to do 

-- Benny Hsu 

Finding your real life by unshackling yourself from your fake life

I've been reading the work of a wonderful motivational blogger, Benny Hsu, who wrote Get A Life That Doesn't Suck.  (Get it free from Benny by joining his mailing list)  He recounts he was living an imaginary life; "From the outside my life may have seemed perfect, but inside I felt anger and sadness. I thought I would never find happiness"

To me Benny was failing to put himself out there, he was instead held prisoner to the fake "great" life that he was trying to maintain.  We all do this, i.e., pretend to have a life whereby other people can be envious of, but instead of garnering envy, we dig our own grave.

My story is not that different.  I grew up with a silver-spoon in my mouth, I felt entitled to a privileged life, graduated from fairly good schools, NYU and Columbia University, worked for the government as a speechwriter, got married to a man who made a 6-figure salary, got a decent-sized diamond ring in the process that received "ohhh" and "ahhhhs" from coworkers; life seemed envious.

There was only one problem, I was miserable.  I felt my life was going no where, my marriage was in shambles; you can't imagine two people more incompatible for each other.  If he was square, I was a circle; if he was an apple, I was a hamburger; if he was right, I was wrong left.  It was a relationship that went against the laws of nature, it simply didn't work.  But it took me four long grueling years to fully accept that.

Why did it take that long?  Besides sentimental reasons, a major factor was because I was afraid of giving up the pretense of my "privileged life" and so refused to see the truth of my sorry state.  I was afraid my friends, my coworkers, even strangers! would think I was a loser, but I didn't realize that I was truly a loser by believing I wouldn't be a loser if I lived this pretense of a life.  I allowed myself to be shackled by the expectations of society.

At the end of it, I was a full-time housewife. I'd been out of the job market for two-years and didn't know what I could do.  I was so afraid of leaving, "what if I couldn't get a job?", "what if I got a sucky job, I could never hold up my head anymore!"

And so I stayed for all the wrong reasons, for selfish reasons, and in the process I hated myself for it, i.e., for doing the wrong thing that inevitably hurt myself and my husband.

But things got so bad that the pain of staying was more than the pain of leaving.  At that point, I truly hit rock bottom, I no longer cared about what happened to me, I only knew I had to leave.  I didn't care if I had to work as a waitress, at Starbucks, at a grocery store, at the gas station, I didn't care if the whole world laughed at me, I had to get out of there.

And so I left, and never looked back.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done! 

Although, I did have a choice to run back home to "mommy and daddy," where I knew I would have a safe haven, and perhaps an easier time rebuilding my life, but I chose not to.  Why?  Because  I wanted to kill once and for all the skeletons in my closest, i.e., all that imaginary pretense that I wanted to live up to.  I knew to unshackle myself of all that garbage, I had to allow myself to hit rock-bottom, to have nothing and nobody; to come face-to-face with the ugly truth of my life, to not be afraid of doing "whatever to takes" to survive and persevere, even if I needed to work at a menial job.  But I would rebuild my life with my own bare hands from scratch!

And so I did; I left, moved to another state, got a job in retail, making near minimum wage, and this is where I am now.  It's been about 6 months since I left, I'm barely making enough to cover my monthly expenses, but I've never felt freer or more in control of my life.  For the first time I'm confronting my adversities; I'm building a new life for myself through sheer determination, and ingenuity.  And I've never felt more confident or a greater sense of self-worth.

Everyone is shackled to some degree by the expectations of society, but the more you are, the more you will suffocate.  You will never be in control of your life because other people are making decisions for you.  It won't be easy, nothing in life worth fighting for is easy, but when you unshackle yourself from the expectations of society, from your friends, from your coworkers, from your parents, from even the stupid expectations you had of your own life, then, will you be truly free.  Only then will you be living your own life.

For all the women out there, or anyone out there that is scared to make that "epic" leap in your life, remember it's never as bad as you think it is.  Trust in yourself and your abilities, you are stronger than you think.  I have created this blog as much for myself as for you because I hope the strength of determination from other people will help you find your own inner strength.

Michael Jordan--His Airness 1999 Documentary

Great documentary that highlights the great highs and lows of Michael Jordan's incredible story.  Find inspiration and strength in Jordan's words and deeds.

Quote: Michael Jordan on chasing your dreams

My father used to say that it's never too late to do anything you wanted to do.  And he said, 'You never know what you can accomplish until you try.'

Quote: Benny Hsu on controlling your destiny

Your life didn't just happen by chance.  You didn't hit some lucky or unlucky streak.  The results you achieved came from the choices you did or didn't make. 

-- Benny Hsu

Finding direction -- the Opportunistic Scavenger vs. the Devout Saint

I have always been envious of people who knew what they wanted to do, i.e., doctor, lawyer, engineer, stockbroker, etc and happily these professions all paid high dividends.  They've figured it all out and now they're going places.  But were they?  I think even the people who "know" what they want to do in life, and happily choose a profession that pays well and is envied in society, actually don't, instead they are fulfilling an expectation, i.e., expectations from parents, from friends, from society, from everyone else but themselves.  And as they gain more social status, achieve more material wealth, it just gets harder and harder to give it up for a dream that may require sacrificing everything for no guaranteed payoff.  Scary!

Finding direction is perhaps one of the hardest things in life.  I've never had direction, I've only had "wants", selfish "wants" such as I want to be famous, I want to be rich and famous, I want to be rich and famous and adored, and the list goes on.  What I wanted wasn't to pursue a dream but to have life handed to me on a silver platter, which has gotten me nowhere.

Now starting on my journey of change, finding direction is the scariest, and most difficult task I have yet to confront.  There is this constant tug-of-war between two personalities: the "opportunistic scavenger" vs. the "devout saint."  The opportunistic scavenger thinks only in terms of rewards, i.e., what can I do to achieve riches and fame and global adoration.  She has no principles, she has no purpose, heck, she has no dream.  She only thinks of me, me, me, and what "I" want from the world, as oppose to what I can give to the world.  The first sign of a challenges sends her fleeing because, heck, she wants rewards not hardships!

The devout saint on the other hand thinks only in terms of how to fulfill her calling in life.  She has principles, she has a dream, she has a purpose, and she has drive.  She lives up to her principles with saintly devotion because she knows those principles will help guide her on her arduous journey to fulfill her purpose in life. She embraces sacrifice as a means to achieve her goal as oppose to obstacles to derail her.  Of course she is plagued with doubts, but she doesn't give into them and pursues her calling like a religion.

Even though I struggle with these two personalities, I know in the end, that it is in the devout saint that I will find true happiness and success.  And I have started on my journey to transform myself into the devout saint, i.e., a person who unwavering pursues her dream in the face of adversity.

Knowing what your true calling in life is difficult.  It's not like in fantasy fiction where you're the "chosen one" and you have one clear destiny to fulfill.  But at the same time, we all do have a destiny to fulfill.  A destiny that goes beyond the mundane "puttering" in pursuit of physical comforts and our station in life.

It is about using your creativity, you talent, your energy to create a masterpiece for yourself and the world. This masterpiece can be mastery of a talent, a skill, an idea, a piece of music/ art/ writing, an act of selfless kindness, or even a fundamental change to human civilization.

In the end, the greatest journey is discovering and unearthing your inner masterpiece.  

I can't tell you what is your true calling, heck! I'm not even sure what mine is.  But it is something you HAVE to discover yourself; the journey is an essential part of the process.  However, there are symptoms to look out for.  If any of these symptoms exists, you better reflect hard on your life and make some changes.

1. You have no goal in mind, except of being rich and famous?
2. You like to blame others and point to excuses for your failures?
3. You have no set principles, and make them up to suit your present mood?
4. You give up at the first sign of hard work?
5. You distract yourself with watching TV, personal grooming, shopping, eating, sending virtual cupcakes to all your friends, or any other activity that is consumptive in nature.  
6. Somewhere deep inside of you, you hear an inner voice that says you're short-changing yourself?  

Michael Jordan--unleashing the fighter within

I love Michael Jordan's story because MJ wasn't born a great athlete, he made himself into one. Popular culture likes to depict Michael Jordan as some superhero that was born to be great, but not so.

Superman Jordan?

Jordan is definitely human but what sets him far and beyond "ordinary" humans is his warrior spirit. He is a fighter from within and without; a man wrought of titanium: lightweight, effortless but as unyielding as steel.

Quote: Michael Jordan on achieving your dreams

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen."

--Michael Jordan  

Quote: Michael Jordan on failure

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career.  I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I've failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed."

-- Michael Jordan

Quote: Benny Hsu on success

"The successful ones do what the unsuccessful ones aren't willing to do"-- Benny Hsu

Quote: Seth Godin on taking initiative

"No one gives you initiative, you have to take it"--Seth Godin

Oprah Winfrey--the best "Rags to Riches" story

She may be the only Black woman in history to be a billionaire, and one of the most powerful and influential women in the world, but the life of Oprah Winfrey was not always so rosy.

Childhood and early adolescence was hard for the would be talk-show queen. She was born into rural Mississippi and was so poor that she wore dresses made of potato sacks.  (Dobby Winfrey?)

Her mother had her own problems, being a single teenage mother and working as a housemaid just to survive, she didn't have a lot of time to watch over the young Oprah.  As a result, starting at the age of 9, Oprah was being sexually molested and raped by relatives and a family friend.

This must have been a dark period in Oprah's life; young, helpless, terrified, desperate and with no end in sight to her sufferings.

Malala Yousafzai Interview with the Daily Show

Be inspired by Malala's interview on the Daily Show

Determination and courage are the words I would use to describe this 16 year old.  Yeah, she's only 16 and already taking on the Taliban to change the future course of her country.

Quote: Malala Yousafzai on courage

The terrorists thought that they would change our aims and stop our ambitions but nothing changed in my life except this: Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born. I am the same Malala. My ambitions are the same. My hopes are the same. My dreams are the same...The terrorists thought that they would change our aims and stop our ambitions but nothing changed in my life except this: Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born. I am the same Malala. My ambitions are the same. My hopes are the same. My dreams are the same.

--Malala Yousafzai July 12, 2013 @ the United Nations 

Malala Yousafzai

I'd like to share this quote by this extraordinary young girl because I think she has a lot to teach us about courage and determination in the face of adversity.  Malala made this speech at the UN only months after being shot in the head and neck by the Taliban for advocating the right to education for all girls. Hope we all can find our own inner strength to stay true to our cause...

Putting yourself on the chopping block: part I

I'VE been meaning to write this post but have been putting it off because I wasn't sure I could find the words to express my feelings.

So the reason I named this blog, Julie's chopping block, is not because it's going to be about cooking, but more as a metaphor for achieving true success and happiness.

Oprah Winfrey once said that: 

"You will find true success and happiness if you have only one goal.  There really is only one, and that is this: To fulfill the highest, most truthful expression of yourself as a human being.  You want to max out your humanity by using your energy to lift yourself up, your family, and the people around you....'Don't ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.'"

I think her words captures the essence of what I am feeling.  You have to put yourself "out there" on the "chopping block" where you will be laid bare before the world, before even yourself, completely open, transparent and vulnerable to be judged, tested, even ridiculed, laughed at.  It'll be at times an agonizing journey, but only then, only when you are willing to put yourself out there on the chopping block are you truly fulfilling "the highest, most truthful expression of yourself."

As humans, we are all born with curiosity, which is truly a great heavenly gift that grants us the ability to create.  I believe this is the secret to true happiness and success: the act of creation, which is the most intimate and true expression of your soul.  But unfortunately, our society slowly stumps out this natural gift and so by the time we are adults, we have been conditioned to conform, to follow instructions, to essentially be cogs in a machine.

We shun our natural curiosity and let our ability to create wither away as we inundate our lives with the activity of consumption.  We gladly sit in front of the TV for hours on end, as oppose to stretching our imagination to create our own stories; we gladly spend hours shopping for material goods we don't need to fill an empty void, instead of finding the courage to test our own skills and express our own designs.

I named this post "Part I" because I know I will come back to it and expand on it continuously as I learn and grow.  Achieving true happiness and success is, as Oprah puts it, a singular and very straightforward goal, but it is a goal that I believe, is a long journey that requires a lifetime of learning, reflection, and truthfulness to yourself.

Oprah Winfrey's Harvard Commencement Speech

I'm starting to really love Oprah Winfrey, her energy just uplifts you; you feel stronger, more confident, and fearless when you're in her presence.  It's as though she has her own gravitational force.  I wonder if you'll start rotating around her if you ever stood near her. 

I want to share Oprah's commencement speech at Harvard in 2013.  Her words were inspiring and they filled my heart with a sense of life!  I especially loved this quote: "You will find true success and happiness if you have only one goal.  There really is only one, and that is this: To fulfill the highest, most truthful expression of yourself as a human being.  You want to max out your humanity by using your energy to lift yourself up, your family, and the people around you.  Theologian Howard Thurman said it best.  He said, 'Don't ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.'

Quote: Oprah Winfrey on failure

“It doesn’t matter how far you might rise. At some point, you are bound to stumble. If you’re constantly pushing yourself higher and higher, the law of averages predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction. Now, when you’re down there in the hole, it looks like failure. When that moment comes, it’s okay to feel bad for a little while. Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost. But then, here’s the key: Learn from every mistake, because every experience, particularly your mistakes, are there to teach you and force you into being more who you are.” -- Oprah Winfrey

Ang Lee: six years in purgatory

Most people know of Ang Lee as one of Hollywood’s megastar directors, producers, and screenwriters.  He has won accolades and awards for his many works including Brokeback Mountain, Life of Pi, Hulk, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, etc.  But few know that before he became a big shot director, he went through six agonizing and long years of “failures.” 

Overcoming the hobgoblins of failures

We all have gone through it, the indignation, anger, then heartbreak, agony, shame, and ultimately depression that comes with failures.  Whether you failed to land that dream job, failed to even get a "hello" back from the thousands of resumes sent out (I mean, there must be some Internet black hole sucking up all the resumes before they reach their intended recipients!), failed to get chosen, failed to get loved, failed to get thin, failed to win the lottery!

We all know the hobgoblins that creep up and start whispering horrible things into our ears: that we're not smart enough, not good enough, not worthy enough, not skilled enough, and just don't have what it takes so pack up and go home!

But STOP!  Don't listen to them, instead dig your heels deeper, grind your teeth, chew on ice if you need to, but stay on your course.  

I've created this blog to collect some of the most inspirational stories out there, namely of famous people who went through mind-boggling failures to get to where they are.  Hence, "a thousand failures for one great success story."  Hopefully, their stories will also help inspire you to find your own inner strength to overcoming your own hobgoblins of failures.